I don't know if this is a phrase I've picked up or a metaphor I've located that just fits.

A few times over the past few weeks, my social algorithms have been feeding me the lived experience of neurodivergent people whose version of giving their all at work is exactly that - giving so much of themselves that there is nothing left at the end of the day for anything else.This is something I noticed in myself many years ago and am constantly mindful of, as it can lead me to burnouts, meltdowns and shutdowns. I have got better at it. I can harness the energy of hyperfocus to find my flow state and achieve a lot whilst in my flow state.

So I have been asking why I have been increasingly feeling like I'm riding the rapids. Findings from research by Dwyer et al (2024) indicates the complexity of the neurodivergent's ability to hyperfocus. Hyperfocus sounds great - useful, productive - but it comes at the cost of increased risk of hypervigilance, anxiety, depression and other mental health challenges and relational difficulties. It is also related to the ability to switch tasks at short notice. And that's the Aha moment for me. 

I'm lucky in that I have been able to shape my own environment through private practice (Armstrong, 2010). I have shaped it so that my areas of work interest complement where my hyperfocus could be most helpful to fulfilling my autistic dreams of flow (Dwyer et al. 2024). Turns out, it's not really working like that! It turns out that I have created a similar beast to ones I have had before. 🤔 Hmm. That's annoying!

And the result? A continuation of low level illnesses ... Colds. Coughs. Aches and pains. Fuzzy headedness. Overwhelm in social situations. When it comes at the wrong time, it's hard to know whether downing tools or getting my head down is the preferred option. I usually choose the latter because, like many other NDs, I hate the idea of letting people down. At the same time, in some instances, that ship has already sailed 🙄. Oh, another boating metaphor!