No pre-amble to this one! 

Recent Past

I signed up to do my ProfDoc at the same time as a friend began her MRes. In that anticipatory period of waiting to start, we were voicing our madness - "What are we thinking? Why do we do this to ourselves? How will we cope with the impact of what studying at this level means?" And then, like the wise woman she is, she asked, "What if we just enjoy it?" (MT.)

Bang! Reframed. Just like that.

Present

I've been listening to Dispenza's Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself this last week or so. (Thanks for the suggestion, RR.) Inspired by his tale on personality being shaped by personal reality, I have upped my awareness about what is happening day to day and in noticing the energy I'm putting out in the world. A couple of days in, I noticed how many times I had mumbled, "For Fuck's Sake" under my breath. Not at the big things that are happening, but at the little things like the printer stopping working and my computer deciding it was taking some time off. Out of everything that happened that week - there have been several big curveballs over the last week or so as well as the minor annoyances - why is this where I have experienced my mini explosions? Of course, it's displacement. But the point that Dispenza is making: am I inviting certain types of disturbances into my life?

"So," I thought, "what if I change that?"

Well, within the week, my body decided, "Enough is enough!" And so, when I haven't been working, I have slept. Perhaps this was my habit to break at this time. My normal habit is to push through and push through, playing Russian roulette with my mental and physical wellbeing. But not this time ... and I'm counting that as personal progress. Maybe I have rewritten this line iny script to create longer term impact on my concept of my personality/personal reality. That is, I used to be a person that wouldn't listen to herself; now, my personal reality is that I am listening to myself to respond.

Future

As I'm regaining my energies and wherewithal, I'm  recognising that I need/want to reframe my studies and research. It's not a question of commitment. The commitment is there. I still want it as much - if not more - than I did when I was accepted on the course. But I have realised that I am falling back into the habit of not seeing my studies as work; of seeing it as a hobby to be fitted in when I can. It's a hangover way of being because it is how I have conducted all my previous studies. (I am excluding my Masters degree because that was in COVID and it was a helpful distraction to the things I couldn't control or influence in the world.) I know this will not get me to my desired endpoint. This, then, is the next personal reality reframe to focus on: "What if I think of my research like I think of my job?" 

That would work in part because I love my job and I pleadged to do only work I love. And if I incorporate the suggestion from Kingsley (How to Set Systems Instead of Goals, 2023), the reframe should be written as though I am already achieving it. Hmm. "I am a researcher and I protect time in my working week for my project." Seems like a good place to start

Okidokie. Seems like a good place to start. Now, let's do this thing.

Footnote

I have realised in writing this post, how important a question, 'What if...?', is for me in helping me to see the world - and my place in it - differently. What question works for you, dear Reader?

References:
Dispenza, J (2013) Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. https://youtu.be/7yCWIWX_8UQ?si=NfEydXmfIoDq7hBC
Kingsley, A. (2023) How to Set Systems Instead of Goals. https://youtu.be/y4evLICF8kk?si=uAlhRpnMLvVFLcX1